A sweet gift from Keri

I miss my sister every day. I just can't even describe the hole I feel in me from her not being here.

I honestly don't think people realized how close Keri and I are. I say "are" because even though she's not here, she is coming to me in my dreams, in things I see, in things I hear. I can't explain it, but I'm thankful for it. But I really wish people understood that Keri and I were "soul" mates. There's no doubt in my mind, God wove us from the same thread before he placed us in two bodies. Maybe that's why I feel so much like my insides have been ripped out of my body. But I have some peace from her sweet gift to me, and from when she is in my dreams.

So what is my sweet gift from her? A few hours before Keri went to Heaven, I was able to spend some time with her, holding her hand, talking to her, reading scripture to her, telling her how much I love her, and kissing her forehead. In that darkest time, on the worst day of my life, I told her I just wanted her to open her eyes and to see her smile her big smile again so I knew she was ok.






A few hours a later, I was asleep in the waiting room in a chair. I could hear the people in there with us, so I guess I was really resting. My eyes were closed and all of a sudden it felt like I was being held/hugged (like if you are holding a toddler who's asleep on your chest). And  it was like the sun came out from a cloud shining on my face. But in the light I could see Keri's face as clear as if she was standing there. She was smiling! She was smiling her big, big, BIG smile at me! It only lasted for a few seconds (maybe 15 seconds if I'm wishful thinking), and then I felt the hug slip away and the face fade away. At the exact second the hug and the face was completely gone, my brother-in-law let us know that the journey had ended and a new one had begun for Keri.

I still tear up thinking about that moment because there are so many emotions that come to me. Of course the overwhelming devastation of her really being gone, but more importantly, that gift! The gift of her smile letting me know she IS ok. It wasn't exactly the way I may have wanted it because I want her here, but she and God blessed me with that peace of seeing her smile and knowing she is ok.


I honestly guess I share this because I want people to know that even though it feels terrible, there is some peace in the bad moments. Because I want people to know that you can be that close to someone and have a connection like that. Because I want people to have someone who they are that close to and genuinely work on a relationship with that person. And because I want people to know that God does answer your prayers, even when it's not 100% the way you want it. He healed her and let me see her smile.

Enjoy her big BIG smile. That's MY Keri. OUR Keri. Crazy Strong and Keri On!