I've always wanted to be more like her.
When we were little she was always braver than I. She'd climb the highest in a tree. She'd jump in the deepest end of the pool. She'd slide headfirst down the slide. She'd swing the highest in the swings. She was fearless. I was more reserved, and I wished I was more like her.
When we got older and our personalities started coming out, she was so calm and cool about everything. She jumped at the chance to do anything fun, facing fear head on and did anything that made her happy. She stood up for herself in a way that was respected by her peers. She, in my opinion, was the best all around person. The person that everyone should want to be more like. I was still more reserved. My personality was definitely not as calm and cool as hers, it was strong, too strong at times, which caused conflicts. I wanted to be more like her.
When she was sick, she was such an inspiration to see and hear her speak such wisdom despite the challenges she was facing. To see how many people stepped up to show their love and support of her was a true testament of how others see and think of her. I was so blessed to constantly hear people say such wonderful things about her and see them do such sweet things for her. I mean EVERYBODY that knew her or had heard of her said and did the nicest things. There aren't words to describe how much my admiration of her grew and still I wanted to be more like her.
The thing about it this time was that I really started trying to be more like her in the things that matter. My faith, how I react to things, how I speak to people, how I treat people, how I pray for people, how I share my heart with people, how I give to those less fortunate, how I work with others. I really started trying and changing myself. And you know what? I felt better. I felt like a better person. No where near the wonderful person Keri was, but definitely better than I had been.
When she went to Heaven, it was even more amazing to see all of the people who paid their respects, to hear the way she impacted others and the kind kind words people had to say about her. You know, I have NEVER heard one unkind word ever spoken about her. That is a true testament of the person Keri was here on Earth.
I want to be more like her.
And I have really really been continuing to try to be like her. My mantra is "What would Keri do?" "What would Keri say?" "How would Keri react?" "What would Keri think about this?"
I want to right my wrongs, learn from the mistakes of my past, be a better person, so that one day when I die people only have good things to say about me. So that if people were to talk to my mom, my dad, Cale, Reese, any of my family or any of my friends, that they would only have good things to say about me, like people do when they speak of Keri.
This past week some things happened that made me realize I still have a long way to go to be more like Keri. I still have a lot to prove that I'm not who I was, but I am a new person, a better person. My soul was crushed, absolutely crushed to the core when I realized that I haven't gotten to that point where people only see the good and speak good things about me. But it also made me realize that my heart knows I am better than I was. My heart and soul knows without a shadow of a doubt the truth about me and who I am trying to be. I am at peace because my God knows who I am and who I am trying to be and He knows the truth about every thing.
So, I'm going to keep working hard to be more like Keri because, honestly, we all should want to be more like her.
Me and Keri volunteering at Vanderbilt Children's Hospital 2007
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