Happy Birthday Keri!!!

32 years ago tonight was my last night as an only child. I never remember being an only child; probably because I was always destined to be an older sister.

 

I wasn't created to be a single child. Ask my mom, and she'll tell you that I was always excited about having a little sister. My little sister was MY living, breathing baby doll. She was MY partner in crime. She was MY playmate living way out in the boonies. She was MY very bestest friend in the whole entire world.

 

 
I wasn't made to be a single child......

And yet, tomorrow marks the 2nd birthday my sister will celebrate in Heaven. It's so incredibly hard for my brain to still try to comprehend that MY baby sister, MY best friend isn't gonna eat watermelon tomorrow, isn't going to open a present, isn't going to get sweet hugs and kisses and text messages and phone calls, isn't going to hear "Happy Birthday to You! Happy Birthday to You! Happy Birthday Dear Keri! Happy Birthday to You!"

I wasn't made to be a single child...

And I know I'm not the only child. It has NEVER felt like I'm an only child. She IS my sister and always will be my sister, even though she's not here.

But here's what it does feel like. It feels like a 1000 piece puzzle that's missing the one piece needed to complete it. It feels like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich without the peanut butter. It feels like "Frozen" without Elsa. It feels like the best book you've ever started reading, but it's missing the resolution of the book. It feels like a picture that you spent hours drawing and coloring that someone picked up and ripped in half straight down the middle. It feels like a beautiful painting that has a hole blasted straight through the middle of it.

Can y'all really not look at me and see the gigantic hole in my heart, in all of our hearts from the enormous loss we feel? Sometimes it feels like everyone should be able to see it with how big it feels.

I wasn't made to be a single child....

And I'm so incredibly thankful that I'm not and never was and never will be! Keri was the greatest gift I was ever given. Probably the greatest gift for many people. Definitely a beautiful and wonderful gift that God let walk on this earth for 30 years. I am constantly amazed at how many lives she has touched and changed because she was here. I am so incredibly moved by the love she is still shown, the admiration with which people talk about her, and the inspiration she still is for so many people.

I miss her every minute of every day. A gift that I have noticed lately is that when I look at pictures of her, they almost seem to come to life like the pictures in the the "Harry Potter" movies.  I can see a picture of her with her kids and remember her gentle voice telling them how much she loves them. I can see a picture of her smiling and hear her laugh. I can see a picture with her arm thrown over my shoulder and can feel her hug.

This is probably my most favorite picture that I ever took. It brings such peace to me when I see it because it just encompasses her beautiful soul to me. With this picture, I can hear the quiet of the river, the frogs croaking, the fish splashing, the steadiness of her breath as she contemplated life. I can feel the peace she had in this very moment, just LIVING in the moment of serenity.

So, happy birthday to the greatest person I've ever known. The person who changed my life, all of our lives. The person who showed us courage, determination, strength, dignity, compassion, and love. A person we should all aspire to be more like. My little sister, my confidante, my therapist, my favorite person, my very bestest friend.