My Keri

11,125 days. What can you do with 11,125 days? What impact can you have on the world? What lessons can you teach others? What legacy can you create?

In 11,125 days, Keri changed our world. Anyone who knows her and even those who never met her are forever changed for the better because of those 11,125 days we were blessed to have Keri here on Earth.

Keri is the greatest person I have ever known. I have always said she is the good one and the favorite. And although I tease, I know it is true. How could Keri not be your most favorite person? She is the epitome of humility, grace, courage, selflessness, positivity, love and faith.

Keri was MY baby doll, my confidant, my right arm, my heart, my very best friend in the world. I am forever grateful that all of my best memories are with her and that I got to witness the miracle that she is to so many people.

I’m lucky that I got to witness her impact on the world from Day 1. As kids, Keri was always feisty, fearless, curious, joyful, and the most tender hearted person you could meet. Qualities she shares with her sweet babies and I see in Cale and Reese every day. Keri always knew what she wanted and she’d get it. She knew what she wanted to do, and she would do it! Some may say she was stubborn; I like to think she was persistent because she was so confident in her desires. When we were little, our parents took us to the horse park at Louisville, Kentucky. We each got to pick a horse to sit on and take our picture with. Because I was always the chicken, I chose to sit in a cart pulled by a tiny pony (which Keri laughed about our whole life). But Keri, oh no, she chose the tallest, biggest horse she could find to sit on. In the picture of her, you can barely see her on top of the horse, but there she is grinning that big Keri smile because knew what she wanted and she got her way.

She loved to learn new things and how things worked, and to explore places and things that intrigued her. She was always adventurous and willing to try anything. I can’t begin to tell you how many recipes she tried to create in the kitchen. You’d open the freezer and see some wild concoction of everything you could find in the kitchen put together in a bowl. There’s no telling how many of her recipes we had to try out. And she always was ready to climb the tree at my Granny’s house as soon as we got there, without fear at all because she wanted to see from the same spots the birds and squirrels could see from.

Keri was genuinely joyful about everything. Probably the happiest kid you could ever meet. I’m pretty sure you cannot find any pictures of her not smiling, unless she was making a silly face of some kind. One of my favorite things that shows how joyful she was whenever she would receive a gift. She always gave me such a hard time because I don’t react the way she does to gifts. But anytime Keri would open a present, she would react like you have just given her a million dollars or a new puppy. Even if it was a pack of underwear or a box of crayons, she was so overjoyed that you had thought enough of her to give her a gift. She was sincere in her reaction because she so appreciated that people loved her so much they would give her a gift. We all know that Keri was our gift.

And boy did she have a tender heart of animals. Dogs, cats, cows, rabbits, you name it, she loved it! Back when camcorders came out, my parents bought one. You know the kind that you had to put on your shoulder (It was the late 80s after all). Anyways, one of our first videos shows Keri’s compassion for animals best. We had a dog that had a litter of puppies. Keri always fell in love with the runts of the litter. One night she brought the runt in the house so she could love on it. While she was lying in the floor, she all of a sudden jumps up screaming “oooh gross, it pooped on me!” She laughed, we laughed, and it really was so funny. We watched that video over and over laughing at it. But if you keep watching through to the next scene, you really see her tender heart. She got the puppy back after she had cleaned herself up and was loving on it and rubbing it because she was worried that “it thought nobody loved it now”. That was her tenderheart. Oh, and if anyone has ever been in a car with Keri, when you see a turtle on the road, you know you have to stop so she can move it to the side of the road it was heading, so no one runs over it.

As we got older, new qualities began to emerge: humbleness, selflessness, and kindness. Keri was extremely talented at so many things like softball, drawing, and teaching. But you couldn’t tell her this without her laughing you off humbly and saying , “No, I’m not” and then telling you how great she thought another person was at those things. She never saw herself as more special or better than someone else. She was also so humbled and appreciative of all of the gifts, support, and prayers she received during her Crazy Strong journey.

Keri was incredibly selfless- always thinking of others. She always did special things for her students and especially for her babies. She was meticulously thoughtful about gifts for people. She loved to help special causes whether it was by donating money, running in a 5K to raise money for a cause, buying t-shirts to support flood relief, or volunteering. When the flood happened in 2010 she wanted to volunteer, but not just anywhere, she volunteered in an area in Nashville that some family friends of my grandparents lived. One of my favorite things that we did together was volunteer as camp counselors at the Victory Junction Gang camp. She had heard of the camp, learned all about it, and then asked me to go with her. What an experience! The camp touched her heart because it was a place where kids who deal with illnesses can go and spend a week doing fun camp stuff just like “normal” kids do. I see now how important and experience like that can be.

Keri’s volunteer and giving spirit never stopped. Just two weeks ago during some precious sister time, she talked about how much she couldn’t wait to be able to help others out the way everyone was so kind in helping her and her family out. Even during her hard times, she was reaching out to others in similar situations giving them advice, hope, an ear to listen. And if anyone ever asked her how she was doing, you know you had to tell her how you were first before she would ever talk about herself. Her selfless acts are far too numerous to mention them all, but I’m sure you can all think of a time she showed you how selfless she was.

And her kindness- there was not a mean bone in her body! She always ALWAYS saw the good in every person and situation. You never heard a mean or unkind thing come out of her mouth. And she always stood up for those who couldn’t speak for themselves.

Love and faith are the two biggest traits that Keri exemplified. Both grew exponentially each year and was especially strong through her Crazy Strong journey. Everyone here knows what it meant to be loved by Keri. A warm happy feeling down to your soul. A love that made you want to be that way to others. Her love made you feel special on the darkest days and inspired you to be greater on your brightest days. She didn’t have to tell you she loved you for you to know because she showed you and you felt it just being around her.

13 years ago she met the love of her life and began the most inspiring love story that will continue to last far beyond this world. I know she was eternally grateful to love and be loved by her real live “Superman”. Becoming a mom was her greatest and happiest accomplishment. I don’t know anyone more overjoyed and proud of motherhood as Keri. She loved every single second she was with Cale and Reese. Always hands on, always making life fun, always showering them with hugs, kisses, encouragement, and love. At such young ages, you can see the amazing influence her motherhood has had on Cale and Reese. A true testament to the love she shares with Daniel and their love for their two sweet babies.

Finally, Keri’s faith is bigger than any fear, problem, or circumstance that came about. I was so blessed to be with her on our journey to growing our faith as kids. We were saved together, baptized together, and learned a lot about God together. Although the past couple of years tested her faith, as well as all of ours, she never waivered! Each day, her faith grew stronger and as a result, so did mine, as well as many many others. She was a witness to how Christ can work through you for others. I know many people who now know Jesus because of Keri. What a great testimony! Keri loved inspirational faith quotes and scripture. We would send each other these quotes and verses and talk about how God was speaking to our circumstances through these. One of Keri’s favorite verses was Psalms 121: 1-2 “I lift my eyes up to the mountains, where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of Heaven and Earth”. This verse was with her through her Crazy Strong journey and I’m so thankful knowing she is with the Lord now in Heaven, smiling her BIG BIG smile!

So, in 11,125 days what impact did Keri have? Look around- look at the people who are here, think about those who couldn’t be here today that she touched through her actions, words, and life. Listen to the stories of strength, hope, faith, and love that people share about Keri. Look at the acts of kindness people perform for strangers or each other because that’s what Keri would do. Look at the people who believe in Christ because of Keri.

In 11,125 days what lessons did Keri teach us? To love one another the way Christ loves us. To be kind to others. To be selfless and humble. To live each day to its fullest. To live without regrets. To SHOW people you love t hem as much as you tell them. And to share God’s word and never, ever, EVER give up!

After 11,125 short days, what legacy does Keri leave with us? Her KINDNESS for all things big and small. Her SMILE that could brighten the darkest days. Her LOVE: unconditional and selfless. Her FAITH that can move mountains. We can carry her legacy on and keep it alive for her sweet babies and all of the people of the world. That’s what she would want. As I told Keri on Tuesday, she was definitely a Proverbs 31 woman- she was clothed with strength and dignity and she laughed without fear of the future. What a legacy!

So although we are sad and broken from our loss of such a light to the world, let us always remember Keri’s lessons, her legacy, her great big smile, and her impact on each of us and others. Let us use OUR days, however many they may be, to make such an impact and carry on her legacy. Let us strive to be better people because we knew her. Let us always do for others because of her giving heart. Let us always move the turtles out of the road because she cared for all things big and small. Let us always smile BIG smiles because one smile can change a life. And let us always know and follow Christ, so one day we can go to Heaven where there is no pain or suffering, just happiness and love, and our sweet smiling Keri.

I love you infinity Keri!

The most powerful dream

Last night I had the most powerful and intense dream I’ve ever had.

We were at my Granny’s house checking on her. It was March, but for some reason she still had her Christmas decorations up. As we came out of the house and were standing on the porch to get back in the car, it was suddenly dark (like how it is controlled in the Hunger Games). There were a lot of people gathered in her yard and driveway looking at a river (that in the dream was there but in real life isn’t). It was a large and wide river like the Cumberland River.

Suddenly, I noticed that there was a low flying airplane dropping things out of the airplane that were hitting the water about every 150 yards or so. There would be 2 about 20 yards apart. It was dark, so we couldn’t tell exactly what they were, but the airplane was intentionally dropping them.

We finally were able to see that they were silver spools that served as buoys on the water. They had a yellow rope that went up in the sky to a point that we couldn’t see and coiled under the water as if they were anchors. In an instant, we knew this was bad news. I knew that something bad was going to start coming from the sky.

My mom, sister, dad, and I took off in the car. There were other people with us. I know they were family, but I don’t know which members.I know Daniel, Cale, and Reese were somewhere. Syndi and Sophie were with us too. We started driving to the Harpeth River from my Granny’s house. There is a big hill that you have to drive down to get there. We were only able to get to a certain point because there was a gate up and my dad didn’t want to drive around it because he would be getting on someone’s property. I was upset because I didn’t want to just cut Sophie and Sydni loose so my dad sat down and made some floating crates for them to be put in so they could float in case water started to take over the Earth.

In the mean time, as we were trying to figure out what we were going to do about getting past the gate, a mass exodus of people were walking together going in the same direction we were wanting to go. The lady who owned the property wound up coming and telling us we could just go on onto her property because everyone else was and this was the end.

We took off walking, rolling my dogs in their crates down the hill. But we didn’t make it down the hill like we normally would in real life to get to the river. Instead the ground had opened up and we were being lead by these nice people into what I can only describe as a large underground bunker. It was like a giant one story building with hallways and control rooms, etc. everywhere. They took Sophie one direction and Sydni another direction because they didn’t realize they are sisters and I wanted them together. I started crying at this point because I was really upset about what was happening in general but also because they had separated my dogs. I told one of the guys who was helping us get into this large room and I said once everyone got in, he would go get Sophie and bring her to where we were with Sydni.

We entered this room that had computer controls as we entered. It almost looked like a huge underground bowling alley with those kind of seats, but the room was so massive you couldn’t see the back wall and it was just filled with seats. We were within the first 20 people in there, but in an instant the room was so full you could barely move from all of the people. I was so upset I couldn’t stop crying because I knew something bad was happening above us on Earth. I kept saying, “This is it. This is the prophecy. This is the end. This is the apocalypse.” I could feel it in my body that this was what God had said would happen.

With the room full of people, you can imagine how loud it was with everyone talking and worrying out loud. I really cant explain how upset I was. With my family, we were sitting in this order: my mom, me, Keri, and my dad. In the midst of me crying, Keri grabbed my hand and in her quiet voice said, “Let’s pray.” I grabbed my mom’s hand and before I knew it, the entire room was holding hands and silent, waiting for a prayer. Keri, still in her quiet voice, said, “Let’s say our name and a Bible verse.” You could absolutely hear a pin drop in this room filled with thousands of people holding hands. One lady looked at Keri and began. She said her name and then said, “All I can think of is Hebrews 5:9.” She said the verse (but in my dream I couldn’t really hear what she said). Keri said her favorite verse, “I lift my eyes up to the mountains. Where does my help come from? It comes from the Lord, the maker of Heaven and Earth.” Psalm 121:1-2. When I looked at Keri, it was like she was the light of the room. She had such a golden glow surrounding her and people just felt at peace with her. The verse that came to my mind and mouth was "For God so loved the world, He gave His only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16

I woke up from my dream then and knew this was a big dream. Anytime I am given a Bible verse in a dream, I know it means something and I look it up.

Hebrews 5:9 says “In this way, God qualified him as a perfect High Priest, and he became the source of eternal salvation for all those who obey him.”

I was curious so I read all of Hebrews 5 and was immediately hit with how powerful it was for me to have been given this verse. I encourage everyone to read it, but two verses that really stuck with me were Hebrews 5:7-8

7 While Jesus was here on earth, he offered prayers and pleadings, with a loud cry and tears, to the one who could rescue him from death. And God heard his prayers because of his deep reverence for God.

8 Even though Jesus was God’s Son, he learned obedience from the things he suffered.

Verse 7 hit me because in the dream we were praying and pleading for God to save us from the apocalypse happening above us. Verse 8 got to me because in my dream Keri was our safe haven. She’s been through so much that past year and a half with her journey and fight against cancer, yet she’s been so faithful and obedient to God. She and everyone who knows her has offered prayers and pleadings on her behalf (verse 7 again).

Bottom line: My takeaway from the dream is that we all need to really start believing and praying about what will happen in the future of our Earth. We need to be praying for eternal salvation and really know our God and what He is capable of doing. We need to be helping others and praying with them and for them to know God and the great things He can do. We need to pay attention to those who show us through their obedience to God what He can do in our lives.

I love my sister and am constantly amazed by her. I’ve been in awe of how faith filled and obedient to God she has been through her journey. It is inspiring to do the same. Now to have a dream and see how many people she could touch just by speaking in her quiet tone and getting them to join together to pray is amazing.

I don’t know exactly why I had the dream or why those scriptures were put in the dream, but please think about it. Please think about your relationship with God and how you are helping to lead others to Him. Please share His word so that others can know Him.

Surgery and the Hospital Stay

On the day of surgery I wasn't nervous. I was excited! I was finally going to have tiny boobs! And I was going in knowing that I was pretty much punching cancer in the face before it ever had a chance to get close to me.

My surgery was scheduled for 1 p.m. They took me back to pre-op at 12. They told me once the anesthesiologist put my IV in that my mom could come back. Well, it took them FOREVER to get me prepped. It was 1 p.m. before the anesthesiologist ever came in to put in my IV. My doctors even came back and drew all over me and talked with me. They were actually the ones to get the anesthesiologist to hurry up and get the IV in. What upset me was that they had told me it would only be about 20-30 minutes to get prepped and then my mom would get to come back. By the time they got the IV in, they were ready to roll me back, but I had a little bit of a fit to see her before I went back. And to my happy surprise she and my dad were both there to come back and give me kisses. It was really quick because they were running behind getting me started, but it was nice to see them together before I went back to surgery.

As the nurses and anesthesiologist started to roll me back to the operating room, we were talking and I made the comment that I didn't feel sleepy yet. They told me I should start feeling it pretty quickly because they had already pushed the meds through. The next thing I knew, I was in recovery! haha!

The recovery nurses LOVED me! When I first woke up, I was cheering and saying "Yay! I'm so excited!!!" They asked me why and I was like "I've got tiny boobs!!!" They were dying laughing. I kept listing all of the things I would be able to do now: wear a seatbelt without it cutting in to my neck, wear button up shirts, sleep on my stomach, shoot a bow, run! I was sooo thirsty too. Apparently anesthesia makes you so thirsty, but they couldn't give me anything to drink or I would have been sick. So instead they would wet gauze to wipe my mouth and I would bite it and try to suck the water out. haha. Then, I was also sooo incredibly hot! They wound up hooking this machine up that, from the best I could tell, really looked like a vacuum cleaner hose that blew cool air. It was so refreshing. In reality, it probably was really silly, but when you are that hot you'll take anything!

Some how my orders got messed up to get me sent up to my hospital room and I was in recovery for quite a while. Now, I will say, I started to become a bit of a baby. They wouldn't let my parents come back to see me because apparently that's the rule, but because my orders were messed up and I started crying, like boo hoo crying, they let them come back. Yay!

Finally, I got to go to my room. Now I was on a gurney and they needed me to be in the hospital bed. I asked them if I could just stay on the gurney because they weren't allowed to be the ones to move me. I had to move myself. And let's just say OWWW! I had to use my legs to push my butt up and over. I made it that far over to the bed (my upper body was still on the gurney). I asked if I could just stay that way but they wouldn't let me. Its really really hard to wiggle your upper body over when you can't use your arms and you are so extremely sore, but I made it.

My family got to come in. By that time my sister and her hubby were there. The nurses came in to give me a morphine drip to help with pain. They said I could hit the button to administer it every 10 minutes and it wouldn't let me hit it before that time. Well, for an hour I hit the button, but didn't feel any better. My family and I kept talking and then my IV line started beeping. The nurse came in and found that my line had been pinched and I wasn't receiving anything. Once they fixed it, I wound up getting about 6 hits of morphine all at once. Let's just say I felt like I was floating on a cloud through a field of rainbows and CareBears. It was wild! My family was laughing. I  know I was funny. I kept getting tickled and saying weird things I'm sure. Medicine like that is so weird. It makes your body feel relaxed, but I don't like the effects it has on your mind. I don't like not being in control.

Everyone left but my mom. I had a pretty restless night. Couldn't get comfortable, couldn't fall asleep because I was in pain, then I felt like bugs were crawling all over me because of the medicine, I was itching everywhere. They finally gave me something that helped me sleep for a little while.  The worst part of the night was having to get up to go pee! I mean, seriously every aspect of it was terrible. Having to get out of the bed, having to walk to the bathroom, having to sit down ever so careful, wiping (gross I know), but really truly. Every. last. bit. was. TERRIBLE!

The hospital was quick to want to get me out of there. Doctors started coming in at 5 am to check on me. By 7 they were saying I would be able to go home. I was nervous to go home, but really it was the best things. My mom was a much better nurse in helping me and getting me things I needed. (The hospital nurses weren't so speedy).

Leaving the hospital, we had a 45 minute drive back to my house. And let me tell you how many bumps there are between the hospital and my house. When you've just had major surgery, you feel every little rock, crack, hole, bump, and blade of grass that you drive over. Ouchie!

Upcoming Posts:
*The Hardest Thing-My Most Personal Post
*Recovery

My journey to my surgery date

In July, I finally met with the plastic surgeon. I had originally had an appointment in March that had to be rescheduled twice because of conflicts. Talk about a weird/nervous feeling going to the plastic surgeon. I'm not a flash your boobs kind of person, but when you are going for that reason, you just have to let it all hang out. Of course, I guess you shouldn't really feel that embarrassed because they see boobs all the time.

Anyways, met with the most wonderful doctor you could ever, ever, ever meet. She spent almost an hour talking with me about all of the options I had for reconstruction. We narrowed it down to 2 options that would both require 3 surgeries:
Option 1: Do a reduction because my chest was big to begin with to save the nipples, wait 3 months or so then have the mastectomy with expanders put in place, wait 6 months and then have the expanders switched out for implants
Option 2: Have the mastectomy with expanders put in place, wait 6 months and have the expanders switched out for implants, wait 3 months have have the nipple reconstruction done.

Now the only problem with Option 1 was that I was worried that having any part left over that could possibly be connected to any breast tissue would keep my risk of getting breast cancer up. So, I told her I wanted to talk to my breast specialist and get his opinion before I made a permanent decision.

I met with the breast specialist again and talked with him about my meeting with the plastic surgeon. He gave me his most expert opinion that Option 1 would be ideal for me because my breast MRI had been great and I was still cancer free.

So, I called the plastic surgeon and gave them go ahead to appeal to my insurance for Option 1 and to get my surgery set up. This was in August. I was hoping to get surgery scheduled for the first of October so I wouldn't have to take many days off of work. Well.......this began the longest 3 months...of....my...life!

The plastic surgeon had to appeal, reappeal, reappeal, and reappeal again to the insurance company to get Option 1 approved. They automatically approve Option 2, but Option 1 they had to show medical need for a reduction on me. After 3 months of this process, insurance finally said their decision was final and Option 1 was out of the question. Seriously I could care less about keeping my nipples. The whole point is for me to reduce my risk as much as possible. But it was still disheartening to just know we lost the good fight against insurance.

Finally, after insurance said Option 2 was our only option that they'd pay for we got my surgery date set. Up until that point, I hadn't been nervous at all, but talk about getting a date set in stone and I started hyperventilating. This was real. This was serious. November 19th couldn't get here fast enough, but was also getting here too quickly for my nerves....