My perspective of life and things about life has dramatically changed over the past few years, but especially these past 11 months. I can feel the change that has taken place inside me. While I grieve and mourn, I also feel the spark of a light within me slowing starting to glow brighter.
As I said before, Keri was my Sun. She was the Sun to a lot of people. She was our LIGHT....the light that is within me, and I'm betting many others too.
This year at school has been totally different, but in a good way. I love teaching. It's all I ever wanted to do when I was little. I've enjoyed every year I've taught, but this one is just different. I realize that as much as I've always loved my kids and the kids I work with, this year has gone to a new level. I have a different understanding of each child I teach and encounter. I'm more empathetic with situations that may be affecting their ability to learn. I'm more patient with their needs. I'm more understanding of the importance of the little stories they want to share.
I've been thinking about this the past couple of weeks and this week it finally hit me. Keri is within me. She is my spark inside. Her love for kids is within me and she is still loving students through me. She has shown me how to really SEE my kids. I wish everyone could have seen her teach, seen her love kids that weren't her own, seen her not just think about their needs educationally but also emotionally. I wish every kid in school could have had her and known how much she cared about every single one.
I was telling my mom about how I feel different, but it's a good different. What better way to honor Keri than to be more like her? If more people were more like Keri, the world would be such a better place!
The moment that really made me realize that her spark is within me and I am becoming more like her was at an assembly we had for Veterans Day. Seeing how I've become more emotional in my old age, and especially this year, I was already teary. Most students don't fully understand the importance of the day and how much it means.
We were watching a slide show that featured the men and women we were honoring, when some very caring students got my attention to let me know that another one of my babies was crying. When I say crying, it was uncontrollable sobbing. I got the student to very quietly come sit beside me and I asked her why she was upset. She told me that she had lost her real father when he was in the military. I just hugged her.
It was that moment, I realized why God had me there. Why God said "no" to one prayer and want earlier this year. He needed me there for that moment. I can empathize with her. I know her pain. She needed me to hug her and tell her it was ok. She needed me to let her remember the good memories she had with her dad, not just the sadness.
But I needed to be able to do that, not just for her, but for me. To realize that my experience has now made me different...better...more understanding. I need to be the teacher that Cale and Reese will need to have one day. The teacher who will understand that there are days when you just really miss a person who can't come back. Days when your mind can't concentrate because something triggered a memory that is lingering. Days when you don't want to adult, or student, or kid and you just want to be hidden in a fort of blankets and pillows and hide from the world.
The ripples of me loving on that student when she needed it have been a blessing I never knew I'd get to have. I don't tell this to get accolades. I truly don't want accolades for it. She needed me and I was there for her. BUT, another positive of being Better, being more like Keri, was that I was an example to other students. What I thought was very discrete and quiet actually spoke loudly across the gym to many other students. Several students, some who I don't even teach, have said something to me about that. I got to be the Good these kids need to see so that they can become Better.
As the Christmas season approaches, I really encourage people to sit down and think about the meaning of Christmas. Think about what you can do to help someone out. Instead of spending bundles of money on gifts people may or may not need or want, consider going in together with your friends and family to donate to a family that is in desperate need of donations for medical expenses, getting an angel off an angel tree, donating to a charity that helps a cause near to your heart, doing something bigger than yourself.
Some people and organizations to consider when donating are:
- http://www.donationto.com/Alex-Pearson-Recovery-Fund - This is a child who goes to church with my aunt. Please read his story and consider helping his family out. You can also follow them on Facebook at Alex Pearson's Recovery
- Angel Tree - great to do with kids to show them what helping others out is like
- St. Jude Children's Hospital Keri's favorite charity. You can even buy gifts that allow you to donate money to the hospital
- Triple Negative Breast Cancer Foundation - help fund research to find a cure
BE THE GOOD! BECOME BETTER!
“Go into the world and do well, but more importantly, go into the world and do good.”- Minor Myers Jr.
